Hiding From Ourselves – AWKWARD

The Universal Experience of Awkwardness

In a Bible teaching delivered at Founded in Truth Fellowship, Matthew Vander Els explored the pervasive and often uncomfortable phenomenon of awkwardness in human experience. He began by acknowledging that everyone encounters moments that feel strange, out of sync, or just plain awkward. These are the times when a weight seems to fall on a room, conversations grind to a halt, and an uncomfortable silence descends.

To illustrate, Vander Els recalled the trend from the 1990s and early 2000s of using the phrase “awkward turtle” accompanied by a specific hand gesture to defuse such situations. This seemingly silly act worked because it openly acknowledged the awkwardness, allowing people to laugh and move past it. The imagery of a turtle flipped on its back, struggling to right itself, perfectly captures the feeling of being stuck and out of place that defines an awkward moment.

He then provided relatable examples of everyday awkwardness, such as the etiquette of passing someone while jogging or walking in the neighborhood. The internal preparation for a brief social engagement, the pressure to acknowledge the other person at the “perfect” moment, and the potential for an anticlimactic or misspoken greeting are all too familiar experiences. Similarly, the drawn-out goodbyes, where exit protocols are prematurely implemented, leading to an awkward escort to the door and a redundant farewell ritual, resonate with many.

Awkwardness as a Window to Vulnerability

Vander Els suggested that these awkward moments, which we often try to avoid, actually highlight our vulnerability as human beings. They expose the gap between how we perceive ourselves and how others might see us. This idea was further explored through the story of the Biame tribe in New Guinea, who were startled and distressed when they first saw photographs and heard recordings of themselves. Their reaction stemmed from a lack of awareness of their external image and voice, leading to a moment of confronting a reality that didn’t align with their internal sense of self. This psychological phenomenon is known as the “irreconcilable gap.”

The discomfort we feel when hearing our own voice played back or seeing ourselves on camera is a manifestation of this gap. The person we experience internally often differs from the external presentation captured by technology. This discrepancy can be unsettling, as it forces us to confront a version of ourselves that we may not fully recognize or accept. The rise of “FaceTime facelifts” in the early 2010s, where people sought cosmetic surgery to look better on video calls, underscores the anxiety and self-consciousness triggered by this technological exposure. Even the initial flop of early teleconferencing technology in the 1960s was partly attributed to the discomfort of being constantly observed during a phone call.

The Biblical Narrative of Awkwardness and Hiding

Moving from everyday examples to biblical narratives, Vander Els highlighted a profoundly awkward moment in the opening pages of the Bible: Adam and Eve’s realization of their nakedness after disobeying God. This newfound awareness brought shame, guilt, and confusion, causing them to hide from God. God’s question, “Who told you that you were naked?” suggests that their nakedness itself wasn’t the issue until their disobedience and the resulting shift in their perception. Previously, they had been naked before God without shame.

Adam’s response to God’s inquiry – blaming Eve and, indirectly, God himself – is presented as a default human reaction to embarrassing situations. When faced with our “nakedness,” our vulnerabilities and shortcomings, our instinct is often to deflect blame and draw attention to the perceived flaws of others. This act of shifting responsibility, while a natural inclination, ultimately damages relationships, both with God and with others. The story in Genesis 1, according to Vander Els, reveals God’s intention to create a place for humanity so that He could dwell with them. God’s call, “Where are you?” in the Garden signifies His desire for connection despite their transgression.

Owning Our Vulnerabilities and Finding Strength

The teaching emphasizes the importance of choosing a different response to our awkward, vulnerable moments. Instead of hiding and blaming, we are called to own our actions, our weaknesses, and our true selves. Just as Adam’s attempt to cover his shame with fig leaves was insufficient, our efforts to hide our vulnerabilities ultimately prevent genuine connection and growth.

Vander Els draws on Yeshua’s teachings in the Sermon on the Mount to illustrate the principle of absorbing offenses and pursuing peace and reconciliation rather than retaliating. He highlights the hierarchy presented in Matthew 5:23-24, where reconciliation with one’s brother takes precedence over offering a gift to God. This underscores the interconnectedness of our relationship with God and our relationships with others. We cannot claim to be right with God while harboring unresolved conflict and resentment towards our neighbors.

The speaker emphasizes that our reluctance to let the world see the “real us” – our struggles, weaknesses, and failures – is the root of much of our discomfort. However, it is in embracing this reality, awkward as it may be, that we find true strength and the ability to empathize with others. When we are willing to be vulnerable, we create space for God to work in our lives and through us to touch others.

The Prayer of David: An Invitation to Honesty

The teaching concludes with a reflection on King David’s prayer in Psalm 139:23-24. This powerful prayer invites God to search our hearts, test our thoughts, and reveal any offensive way within us. It is a daunting prayer because it requires a willingness to confront the very aspects of ourselves that we might prefer to keep hidden. However, it is through this honest self-examination and the courage to own what is revealed that we can be led out of those offensive ways.

The choice we face in our awkward, vulnerable moments mirrors the choice Adam faced in the garden. We can choose to defend, justify, and blame, thereby damaging our relationships and hindering our spiritual growth. Or, we can choose humility, owning our lives and actions, and allowing God to bring comfort and strength. Embracing our awkwardness, our vulnerabilities, and our true selves, with all our imperfections, is not a sign of weakness but an act of strength that allows God to use us to reflect His image to the world.

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Application for Everyday Life

• Acknowledge awkward moments: Recognize that everyone experiences awkwardness and that it is a normal part of human interaction.
• Practice vulnerability: Be willing to show your true self, imperfections and all, rather than trying to maintain a flawless facade.
• Own your mistakes: When you stumble or make an error, take responsibility for your actions instead of deflecting blame.
• Seek reconciliation: If you have wronged someone, prioritize making amends, even if it feels awkward.
• Extend empathy: Recognizing your own vulnerability and experiences with awkwardness can help you better understand and empathize with others in their uncomfortable moments.
• Reflect honestly: Like David in Psalm 139, be willing to examine your thoughts and actions, asking God to reveal any offensive ways within you.
• Embrace the “irreconcilable gap”: Understand that there might be a difference between how you see yourself and how others see you, and be open to this reality.
• Choose humility over pride: In embarrassing situations, opt for humility and owning your part rather than defensiveness and justification.
• Focus on relationships: Remember the priority Yeshua placed on reconciliation with others as integral to our relationship with God.
• View awkwardness as an opportunity: See moments of awkwardness not as something to be avoided at all costs, but as potential opportunities for growth in grace and empathy.