Imposter Syndrome – A Purim Story

Automated transcript, lightly edited for readability. Scripture appears as spoken; the video is the authoritative teaching.

A Place Called Home

Do you ever find yourself searching for something bigger than you? For a community to be a part of? A place founded on truth and love? A place to worship the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, and the Son of God? Welcome to Founded in Truth, where we're more than just a fellowship. We're a family. So welcome home. Alright. Shabbat Shalom everybody. It's good to be back together this week. So good to see everybody. Wasn't worship just absolutely incredible from the Father today? So good to be back.

Purim: A Story of Deliverance

And as we mentioned in the announcements, Purim is among us. First party of the year. Purim is this week. And so I felt it was appropriate to do a message on the story of Esther in the Old Testament. And if you're unfamiliar with the story of Purim or what Purim is, Purim is the anniversary of when the Jews in Persia found relief from their enemies and through the courage of Queen Esther and Mordecai, as the book of Esther says. It says right here in Esther chapter 9, 22. And why is it called Purim? The Bible tells us that as well in verse 24. That is the lots, the dice. That is why these days are called Purim, from the word Purim. So there we go, Purim. It's a neat holiday found in the Bible that we have the honor to partake in. An ancient celebration of God using people like you to vindicate the weak from oppression and defeat the darkness. The story of Esther takes us on a unique journey of what it feels like to be a Judean in exile in a foreign land. To finally feel like things have gotten back to normal. But wait—no. Once again, someone is trying to destroy you and your people.

An Uncomfortable Story

The story of Esther is a neat story. And it's very, very, very easy to tell it on a child's level, just like we typically do every year when we have the Purim party and we get all the kids together at home and we tell them the story in such an innocent, innocent way. But the actual story of Esther—it's not a children's story. It's a very adult story with very adult themes. And I don't simply mean sexual, but yes, that too. It has a very debatable history of even being in the Bible in both Christianity and in Judaism. Martin Luther's personal opinion was that it shouldn't be in there. It's too much.

The two great rabbis, Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shema of the first century said that the book of Esther makes one's hands unclean. It's just not entirely clear what that means—I see some faces—let's read it, it's a scandal, right? And sometimes it's hard to read the actual Bible instead of reading a Bible that we ourselves fabricate to suit the lifestyle that we want to live out and think of it as. But here in Esther, we're faced with an extremely uncomfortable reality. That feeling—the discomfort, the awkwardness that you may be feeling if you've never realized that, especially if you've never read the book of Esther, those feelings were intended for you to have by the biblical authors inspired by God.

But it's also why people like Martin Luther would rather it had never been there so he could avoid dealing with it, avoid preaching on it. It's also maybe why Hillel and Shemaiah didn't really want to mess with the book that much.

From Solomon's Empire to Persia

And if you're unfamiliar with the book of Esther, the story takes place after the Babylonian exile has ended. We spoke a little bit about that timeline last week, but after King Solomon led Israel to become the new Egypt and these redeemed people of God began enslaving other nations, becoming a nation of arms dealers that profit off of violence and sought to become the richest and have the mightiest military in the world, their focus shifted from being a light to all nations to being the might of all nations, right? And they did everything right that they thought was right. They went out and they secured their borders from their enemies. They conquered the weaker people to enslave them to build God's temple, the God who frees slaves. And they pursued doing whatever it took to bring in silver and gold, as much as possible. They became part of the beast system that is described in Daniel chapter 7 and mentioned in Revelation.

And after King Solomon's reign, Israel as a kingdom split into two—north and south—and eventually were overtaken by other nations: Assyria first, and then Babylon. And when Babylon came in, they took all of the Judeans, the southern kingdom, away to Babylon. And then later Babylon was conquered by Persia. So that's where we're at in the story. Persia has overtaken and conquered Babylon, the country that took all of the Jews and kept them captive there. Persia has allowed the Judeans to return back to their homeland of Judea. But many Jews stayed behind in Babylon, or now Persia. Why? Why would the Jews who were taken out of their own land and planted here and forced to be a part of this nation, this system —why would they stay there? Why would they want to stay with their planted roots?

Dig Roots Where You Are

Well, that's what Jeremiah told them to do in Jeremiah 29. Dig roots here. Buy land. Plant gardens. Build families here. Don't worry about the catastrophe that's happened to you. Don't worry about the end of the world. Don't worry about what's going to happen to the generation after the generation after the generation next. You do what you're supposed to be doing right now, and you pray for the pagan cities that you live in, that have you captive in them. That's what Jeremiah said. Despite what your environment looks like, despite how oppressed you may feel, you are still to be a blessing where you're at. The things outside are no excuse for you abandoning your vocation. And so that's what many Judeans did. They made homes there. They dug roots. They stayed in Persia. Within this first opening section of the story of Esther, Persia has no queen now.

The King's Drunken Idea

And then the story progresses. The king of Persia, the mightiest nation of the world, needs a queen. So how do you think he should go about finding a queen, right? He should get on Persia Dating Online, make a few dates, look on social media. Like, how is he going to find a queen? Oh, here's a bright idea, King of Persia. Why don't you round up every virgin of the land, stick them in a compound where they can't leave for 12 months, and have them prepare themselves for you. Prepare themselves for what? So the book of Esther starts out with a king who is getting drunk with his buddies because he's hosting this big, big, big party.

And not just a little drunk. The Bible says a solid week kind of drunk, like big time party. Everyone drank from golden goblets and the royal attendants were specifically told to put no restrictions on anyone. In other words, no empty glasses for seven days and nights. It was an open top shelf bar at the king's palace. During this time the Bible says that the king was in high spirits because of the amount and quantity of wine he had consumed, and so he has this bright idea. He's going to summon his wife Queen Vashti. He's gonna summon his wife to appear before him specifically to show off her beauty to all of his drunk buddies.

And the way it's worded in the book of Esther, it's a bit suspect just how it's phrased. It has many scholars convinced that he wanted her to do something inappropriate, something that just wasn't becoming of a queen. Whatever the level of her dignity, she refused. She's like, no, I'm not going to appear before you to show off my beauty at your little drunk fest. I'm not going to do it. And so she refuses and the king's buddies convince him to kick her out of the kingdom, exile her. Done. And she's kicked out of the story.

The Beauty Contest

Within the first opening section of the story of Esther, Persia has no queen now. And then the story progresses. So how is the king of Persia going to find a queen? All of the virgins are to assemble, spend 12 months beautifying themselves with beauty treatments, so they can have a single night alone with the king of Persia. And based on that, the king will choose one. It's a type of contest that's going to take place in this pagan land of Persia. Here's what it says in Esther chapter two, verse 12. Before a young woman's turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete 12 months of beauty treatments prescribed to the women.

Six months with oil and myrrh, six months with perfume and cosmetics. In the evening, verse 14 says, In the evening she would go there and in the morning she would return to another part of the compound, of the harem, to the care of Shazgaz, the king's eunuch, who was in charge of the concubines. So she goes in, spends an evening with the king—a date. Then in the morning she leaves and goes to a different section for the concubines. It's a contest where the king is the judge.

A Story Not for Children

And this is an ancient story being told. This is not a children's story. Do you see that? It was a story about the real, raw reality that the ancient world experienced. There's no sugarcoating that. You just can't. It was a story about the real, raw reality that the ancient world experienced.

That discomfort, that awkwardness that you may be feeling if you've never realized that— especially if you've never read the book of Esther—those feelings were intended for you to have by the biblical authors inspired by God. But it's also why people like Martin Luther would rather it had never been there so he could avoid this, could avoid preaching on it. And so we've done many messages on this topic about the book of Esther in the past; they're archived online. But I want you to see the reality of what God ordained to be in the book that is the unified story that leads us to the revelation of who he is in Yeshua. Esther is part of that story that leads us to something greater.

And so, getting back to the story, there's a dance contest where all of the girls get one dance with the king. And so Esther spends a year in the king's compound preparing for her night, and she dances with the king and she wins the dance contest. The king favors her among all of the participants in Persia. This girl, Esther, this Jewish girl, she goes from an exilic Judean girl whose family experienced trauma, torment, seeing their homes burned, their temple to their God toppled over like Legos. Her family experienced the heart-wrenching reality of watching others, friends, family members, die by the hands of strange Babylonian soldiers as they were shackled and kidnapped to a faraway land.

This girl who is the remnant of that experience sits in the same land where her family were forced to come and make a new home, forced to yield allegiance to that nation, to learn about that nation, to become part of that nation. But now, this new king allows the Jews to go home. And by default, the Jews, if they had any status in the generations that they had been there of being part of this nation as being Babylonians or now Persians, that status has now kind of slipped away because now they have the opportunity to go home. How can you be people of this land if you have your own land? There's a type of, and I'm sure we don't have any people groups in our country that could ever relate to anything like that, that don't quite fully fit in.

But here, Esther is kind of this halfway in, halfway out. Now their status is the people who live in that land, but some here remain among us.

She's an Outsider

She's an outsider. That's her story. And now all of a sudden, because the king got mad at his wife, she was taken from her own home—once again, from her family and forced to live in a compound in isolation, only to talk through this fence, if you will, with Mordecai. Couldn't leave for a year, couldn't go anywhere. And then at the end of her year, she goes to this strange king she has never met before and is now forced to participate in this dance contest. It's kind of a messed-up story. It's a little traumatic. But wait, there's more. Not only does she win—she does all of this coming up to this point—and she blinks and the next day an inauguration is taking place. The people are on the edge of their seats wondering what's happening. The trumpets are blowing. All of the royal garments are brought out. The crown is being carried before her. It's like a slow-motion film happening. What is happening? And the crown is now placed on this girl's head. Queen of Persia. Talk about trauma.

Queen of Persia

And I guess it couldn't be all bad at this point, right? At least Esther can let go of her past, right? At least she has a new chapter forming in her life and she can let go of everything from her past. She's turning a new leaf, a new chapter. This is great. Oh man, this is wonderful. Trauma from her family. She's now queen. She can freely live out who she is as queen. Esther chapter 2, verse 20. Yeah, wrong. Esther kept who she was a secret. She can't be who she needs to be in this position. You're a Jewish girl from Judea. You don't belong here. These are the words of Mordecai, by the way.

A Secret Kept

Her uncle told her her entire life, "You have to hide who you are." Her name was Hadassah, right? Hebrew name. You have to hide. Here's the best thing to do to hide you—we're gonna change your name to reflect a Babylonian belief, right? Change your name from Hadassah to Esther—Ishtar—the Babylonian goddess of war. People will never know the difference. This would be great. We don't want people to know who you really are. Esther sits as queen in the story. And all this is going on. And the readers understood this, the ancient audience, they understood all this building up.

The Antagonist

And then the antagonist of the story named Haman appears. And Haman and Mordecai get into it, right? They clash instantly. And Haman is the advisor to the king. He speaks into the king's ears. So what does he do? Well, he has a problem with this Jewish guy named Mordecai. So he whispers in the king's ear: "Hey, let's kill all these Jews. They don't like you. They don't like your laws. They're rebels. Let's destroy them." Haman convinces the Jews that they are his enemy and that they need to die. So they chose a day by casting lots—per pareem—and it would be written in law that this is the day when all the Jews will be destroyed. Esther is queen now. This Judean girl is queen now. She has power. She has some form of influence. She's the most powerful woman in the most powerful, wealthiest pagan empire in the world. She's the first lady.

The Perilous Request

So Mordecai sends Esther a message and tells her, "Listen, Esther, you need to go in front of the president of Persia, your hubby, and plead for mercy on this edict that was signed into law. As the wife of the king, as the queen of Persia, go to your husband and tell him to stop this nonsense. Plead, beg, do whatever you gotta do, because everyone's gonna die." There's one problem. Esther doesn't feel she had the authority in the role that she was in to do that. She even tells Mordecai about the law that is in place. Esther refuses to go and ask the king not to kill her people because of these reasons right here.

Esther chapter 4, verse 11: "And spares the life. But 30 days have passed since I've even been called by the king." So Esther has this excuse, and it's a good one—why she is not going to march before the king and tell him to stop the slaughter of her people. There's a law in place that should get her killed if she does that. No one can just approach the king. But look at the last line here, and I find this interesting. I love this because maybe I'm reading into the text. It happens. There is a law that says I'll be killed, Mordecai. But it's as if there's another excuse. I mean, they kind of go together.

But Mordecai, there's a law that says I'll die. That could have been enough for her to say. But no, she continues. But it's also 30 days since he's even called me. There's two excuses here. But what's the real problem? She's scared just like anyone would be. But what's the real problem of the story of Esther? Why is she so timid leading up to this point? She's keeping who she is a secret. She's too afraid to tell the king who she really is. Just as Mordecai advised, she doesn't feel like she has the authority to walk before the king. Yes, the law applies to any man or woman that would approach the king, but at the same time, this isn't just any man or woman, as we're about to see in the king's response. This is a woman with a deep past of pain, and she's been hiding something from the king as well.

Imposter Syndrome

You ever been in that place in your life? Have you ever been in a place where you've assumed this position of power or blessing or circumstances where you find yourself maybe even in a leadership position and you have no idea how you got there because there is no good reason why you should be there, right? So much so that you're scared someone might find you out if they actually knew the truth. They might find you out because you are clueless on how to live life in this position, right? You ever feel like you don't belong in a situation or circumstance? There's something called imposter syndrome. And many people experience it.

It simply refers to this internal experience of believing that you're not as competent as others perceive you to be, right? So you feel kind of like an imposter. They think I'm really smart. So you feel like you're just walking around, right? And it's funny because that actually might be true. Many times people look at us with expectations to lead them, to serve them, to provide for them. But on the inside, how many of us really don't have a clue what step to take next in life? Anyone? Anyone in a management position? Yes, yes. All that authority, all of that responsibility. Do you always have a clear picture of what it looks like with every decision that you make?

Of course not. As a manager, you don't have that luxury. You don't.

Your Parents Know Everything

Parents, parents, when our first child is born, isn't that amazing—that Johnny Mnemonic-like scene that takes place where we're just downloaded with everything we need to raise a child confidently with the right decisions? It just downloads. It's God-given. He just downloads it, and we're just... isn't that crazy how that happens? Did anyone ever have this moment? I had this moment a few years back. Do you ever get older and realize that you are now the same age as your parents were when you were a child? And it's like this paradox—like, what? Where am I? Right? And it's a really eye-opening moment.

Like, as a child, your parents know everything. They have the answers for everything. From the problem in your math test—even though it turned out to be wrong when you became a teacher—to bumping your knee. Who'd you run to when you scraped your knee? Mommy and daddy. They have the answer, the fix. They know everything. They have all the right answers. Any situation that happens, they always have the solutions. And in fact, we are incapable of actually understanding that there was a time in their lives where they weren't a parent until we get much older. I remember speaking to my mother a few years back. I called her and I said, "Listen, Ben is a couple years old, and I'm now about the same age as you were when you had me."

The Weight of False Confidence

Did you have any clue what you were doing? No. Because you seemed like you knew everything. You had it all together. You had all the right answers. Did that fool me? No clue. Many times, imposter syndrome can be much worse though. Affecting everyday tasks, heavily contributing to depression, not feeling like you are adequate at all in any area of your life, like you are an imposter where you are currently in your life. And people are going to find out the truth soon. They're going to know who you are. They're going to find out that I don't belong where I'm at in my life. I'm not qualified. I'm not worthy. I'm not capable. I'm not experienced. And when they find out who I really am, I'm going to lose my grasp on everything. Anyone ever remotely had a thought process like that? Oh, is that? Yeah.

The Internet's Role in Our Inadequacy

One of the contributors to this line of thinking, I believe, is the wonderful internet. I think this is a contributor to this syndrome, and it can only make it worse. Social media is just such a horrible thing, isn't it? Oh, man. And it was such a genius idea at the same time. Just genius. So you create a platform where people get likes and hearts, these little bits of feelings of being accepted by the mysterious masses, right? And little bits of dopamine every time you feel like you've been accepted by someone, every time someone gives you a like or a heart or a comment, And then on your phone, how can we take this to the next level?

I got an idea for the app that people are going to use on their phone, right? Let's make it so every time someone hits the refresh button on the app, it mimics the pull of a slot machine. Genius, right? So not only do you have the same sensation of gambling and winning something, you mix it with little spurts of dopamine and boom—you have someone that is addicted, not to their phone, but to the Facebook app, Instagram, or whatever I'll fill in the blank. Does anyone fit that mold? Ever experienced that? Just one more swipe. You just did it. Maybe I can get the 777. It was designed that way. It was designed that way. Genius.

The Curated Self

But here's the thing, and it's especially true with Instagram: this invitation is made to you to step onto the stage in front of the world. So what are you going to wear? Well, maybe it's the newest outfit. So you dress up, makeup on, do your hair. You take a picture, maybe get the lights right in your room, maybe buy some lights specifically so you can stand. And then you scroll through the 37 filters until your skin looks like someone took a floor polisher to it. I mean, let's be honest, why not? Right? And you're trying to show the world a version of yourself you think is better than the reality. Anyone guilty? Okay. Oh, whatever, all right, fine. And I wouldn't feel ashamed of it. It's natural. This is natural. This is what it's designed to do.

I mean, you would never post pictures of your messy living rooms online, right? Right after your kids got done playing with it. Why would you? It's unbecoming, you know? You would clean up the room and then if you wanna take a family picture, you would stage the kids, right? And then you would take a picture before they mess up the room again. Right? Like that's how you're going to show yourself off. And you'd want your home to look as if it's been spotless all day long in spite of us having two foster daughters and a five-year-old son who thinks he is a mix between Spider-Man and Wolverine currently. That's just what we do.

The Comparison Trap

But then you get online and you see everyone else's clean houses and the kids that are perfect and the perfect skin. And you cannot help but ask the question: when you're constantly bombarded by this, why am I so inadequate compared to everyone else that I see? Why can't I be on the same level as everyone else that I see? Why can't I live an awesome life in a tiny home in a mountain in Colorado, off-grid, and post awesome-looking photos every day of how awesome my life is? You don't see the post of them emptying that wonderful, fancy composting toilet in there, do you? No, no, that's not where they want to direct your attention.

With all the bugs around. And while we're looking at that life—the alternative life that we sometimes wish we could have because, oh, how pretty it looks—while we're looking at that life, you forget that you have an entire family called a blessing. That you have a job that is able to provide for these kids. And they call you mommy. And they call you daddy. Right? That you are at a level of life that some only dream of being. You are someone else's fantasy, and you don't even realize it. All because you see someone else's life through the lens that they choose to put on and portray.

Building Our Own Echo Chambers

Another horrible reality of social media, and it's actually ironic, is the fact that we create our own echo chambers without realizing it. It's genius how they've developed this thing. So many people think that the world is falling apart, that there are horrible things happening everywhere, that there's going to be a huge government conspiracy happening, that martial law is going to be put into place and this new America is going to form. I'm talking about the Jade Helm thing conspiracy that went around four or five years ago, right? And so many people felt like this was truly happening because that's what everybody on Facebook was saying, right?

Our perception on reality, and this is a soapbox moment of mine because I'm totally guilty of falling into this trap, is many times dictated by what we see on our own social media because that is what we look at all day long, because we've been trained like rats to pull the slot machine lever and get a treat. And the irony of the slot machine, the irony is, you have curated your own audience and your own wall on social media. You manually selected who will talk to you and who will speak into your life. You selected what you see. This isn't the reality of the world. This is the reality that you have built to look at every day, intentionally or unintentionally, manually adding each friend request, following each person.

You choose who speaks into your life every day. No, the entire world does not support Trump or Biden or Kanye. It doesn't. Only candidate with a gospel album. No, the entire world does not agree with you on your stance of XYZ. No, it's not a scary place out there because of things happening. No, you just chose to make that the reality that plays every single time you go online to get your treat. I chose to make that my reality every time I go online to get that treat. You manually selected every person that is saying these things on your social media platform. But at least it'll be different on Parler.

My social media platform doesn't look like yours. It doesn't. Someone else that is looking at you because you hold an opinion that they find utterly stupid and you're like, where have you been? Why would you think this opinion doesn't carry some weight? They have no clue what world you're seeing because their world is different.

The Kingdom's Unified Vision

Do you see how this can be a problem when a united kingdom is trying to build an atmosphere where everybody is unified in proclaiming heaven and the king of heaven? We have a different lens on the world that we live in, every single one of us. It's so funny. We do it willingly. That sound that the Facebook app makes when you pull it to get our treat—we curate our own world on social media. We create our own echo chambers to reinforce what we want to believe organically by specifically choosing what friends we have on Facebook or who we follow on Instagram. And then we feel inadequate, or scared, or anxious, or fearful, or always second-guessing ourselves when we're actually walking out into the world outside, and it causes us to feel like we're an imposter in this life that God has placed us in.

Esther's Struggle

Let me tell you something about Esther. I believe Esther second-guessed herself. We see that she did. She was told to hide herself her whole life. She wasn't a queen. She was a Jew. She was a Jew with a past. She was a Jew who was a nobody despite wearing a crown. I can't just walk up to my husband and make a request. Why not? You're the queen. You think Mordecai didn't know the law? He was a scribe. Of course he knew the law because he hasn't been called for me for 30 days. I'm inadequate, and this law proves it, and his actions towards me prove it. He doesn't care about me. He's not happy with me.

He hasn't called me for 30 days. I'm just supposed to sit here and look pretty until he summons me—that's the attitude that I see here. When Mordecai responds to Esther, he gives these excuses. And they're not bad excuses. They're valid excuses. Oh man, they're good excuses. She might die. It's kind of a big deal. But you know what? There's always a risk when God places you in a position to be used. And that can be minimized to whatever situation might be very casual in your life. But it still remains true in this situation that Esther faced, in the situation of the disciples, in the situation of Yeshua himself.

There's always a risk when God is going to use you. Tell me about the people that have changed the world throughout history and now show me how easy their lives were. And being desperate, Mordecai responds with this profound level of proof that we always love to quote for motivation and encouragement.

For Such a Time as This

It's found in Esther chapter four, verse 14. And here's what he says back to Esther. Mordecai says, "'If you remain silent at this time, "'relief and deliverance for the Jews "'will arise from another place.'" It will happen. "'But you and your father's family will perish, "'and who knows?' but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this. Why do you think that the position that you find yourself in, even though you very well feel like an imposter, is not the place? Why do you not realize that God has placed you in this position? God has placed you here. You didn't fall into it.

It wasn't by luck. What does Esther do after that? What would you do after that? What can you say after that? She tells everyone to pray for three days. But the law says if anyone comes into the inner court without permission, they would be killed. Right? Something happened with Esther after Mordecai gave her this speech. After three days, Esther chapter five, the very first verse in Esther chapter five, says she went in and put on her royal robes. Man, that's powerful. See, this is the first time in the story that it says she ever put on her royal robes. It seems to indicate she didn't do this normally.

Despite being queen, despite having a crown, despite having the position, despite having the authority, Esther never dressed the part. That changed today. That changed when she realized it does not matter if she feels inadequate enough to be queen over all of Persia. It does not matter if she lacks the experience that she feels belongs in this position. It does not matter if she didn't choose this path. God has placed her in this position and she needs to own it. So she puts on her royal robes and she walks into the inner court of the king, and she stands in the main hallway. And the king was sitting on his throne, and he saw Esther.

And the scripture says that he was pleased when he saw her. Why was he pleased? Because he saw his queen. He saw the woman that pleased him most in the world, the woman he chose to place the crown and authority on. He saw the woman standing in her royal robes, filling the position she had been allotted by him. And it pleased him.

Owning the Role

This is the moment when Esther realized that the voice in her head has had its time. But despite her feelings of past hurts, past history, past trauma, she realized that if God has placed her here in that position that she is in, she better walk it out with an honor and boldness that it deserves. She approached the king as the queen of Persia. And what does he say? What does the king say to her? Esther chapter 5, verse 3. Notice this is the first time in the story that the king calls her Queen Esther when he sees her at this moment. I'm here to tell you today that wherever you find yourself, as a mother, as a father, in a specific situation that may be hard, may be caring for others...

Maybe you're in a job that you never thought you'd be in, just trying to fake it till you make it. Anyone ever done that before? Try not to be found out. You're filling the role. You're filling that role. Something that I believe that we're always called to do, Paul touches on this as well, you own it. You own the place that you're in. You can feel inadequate. You own it anyway. You can feel that you're not experienced. You own it anyway. You can feel like it's too much work, it's too hard. You own the place that God has placed you, and you do it with boldness. We know the story of Esther and how it goes on.

Esther no longer acts like some unappreciated concubine shoved in a building. She proceeds with boldness and she implements a strategy to reveal the sinister plan of Haman, and the foolishness of the king himself for implementing such a plan recklessly. She finally reveals to the king her past, who she is, who her people are. And she reminds the king that these people are represented by who is currently queen. "If we were just slaves, or if we were just going to be slaves, men and women," she says, "I would have never even bothered you. But we aren't, because I'm your queen, and these are my people."

The result, of course, triggers the death of Haman and all of his sons. And because of the boldness of Esther to stand in the role that God had placed her in, to have the courage to put on the robes and own the position that she was in, a holiday was created to remember the day that would have ended in a mass murder, many deaths, bloodshed, but didn't, because of Esther's boldness and faithfulness not to be overtaken by feelings of her not belonging right where she did.

Imposter Syndrome as Christians

And ladies, Esther is the protagonist of this ancient book that speaks of owning the role and the place that God has placed you in. Not being afraid to walk forward. Not being afraid to put on the royal robes. This is not a story where the guy's the hero. No. See, sometimes as Christians, we get imposter syndrome as well, don't we? Sometimes we don't feel like a good Christian. Like a good follower. Like a good believer. Like we're holy enough. Like we're righteous enough. Sometimes we see others looking like good Christians and it makes us feel inadequate. Has anyone ever judged their level of righteousness, or not even that, just being a member, a follower of Christ, by looking at someone else?

Absolutely. Maybe someone is a prayer warrior and they are outspoken during prayer, and it's a bit intimidating to you because you're not. They must be going through life pretty well. They must be having a great relationship with God. I mean, who else can pray with that much zeal unless their life is just a blessing and they are going great with God, right? You want to know the truth? It's likely someone who has experienced a broken life where only God has been able to mend it. And these people are experiencing maybe a brokenness right now. And maybe, maybe, maybe because of the resume of what God has done in their life, or what they're going through right now, they're putting all of their energy into the only place that they know works in their life, and that is prayer.

Maybe you see someone who is in the Bible all the time, one of those Bible nerds. They have memorized more Bible verses than anyone you know. Maybe I haven't memorized that many Bible verses. Maybe I don't belong here because I don't have a good memory. I don't memorize tediousness. Guys, reading the Bible as a story and reading about Jesus is better than simply memorizing verses. Getting to know the story of Yeshua and not focusing on being tedious just to memorize, that doesn't make you a bad Christian, right? It doesn't make you a bad Christian to simply be engulfed by the story that the Bible is. We are filled with a world that is designed to make us addicts of shame, and the story of the Bible is meant to do the opposite.

Throw Your Net Back In

In Luke chapter 5, Yeshua is walking and he is selecting some of his first disciples, and he saw a boat of fishermen that couldn't catch any fish. Not very fisherman-like, right? And so what does he do? What does he say to these guys that have worked so long? What does Yeshua say to those who feel so tired and exhausted? What does this rabbi say to those who feel that despite their efforts, they're kind of worthless, at least today? They spent all night trying to fish, caught nothing. He says, "Hey, throw your net back into the water." Simon Peter kind of huffs a little bit. At your word, we'll throw the net back in the water.

Fine. Who's this guy? So they did. They threw the net back in the water. And you know the story. The net became so full it started to break apart and tear. And, ah, what is happening? Apocalypse by blessing, right? What did it take to restore their sense of purpose in that moment? What did it take to vindicate the tired pursuit that lasted an entire evening of not catching fish? What did it take for them to walk out the role of a fisherman in that moment? It took Yeshua being involved. And here's the kicker. Here's the kicker of that story. Here's how Simon Peter responds, in Luke chapter 5, verse 8.

He says... Imposter syndrome.

Do Not Be Afraid

Peter was just shown the power of God's grace before his very own eyes. He was shown the authority of this rabbi from Nazareth. This man allowed Peter to truly be a fisherman, pulling in loads of fish only when he spoke. Yeshua placed Peter in this position to be his disciple, and Peter feels Yeshua got it wrong. "No, Yeshua, you chose the wrong guy. You need to get away from me because I'm not qualified to be here. I'm so sinful. Jesus, I'm a jerk. Jesus, I don't make all the right decisions. Yeshua, I fail constantly. I am not qualified to be here in this position following you." And here's how Yeshua responds.

And if that's you today, I want you to listen to the words of the master, because Yeshua is responding to you today. And I want you to feel what the Spirit is saying to you in these moments as we read these words in Luke 5, verse 10. Here is how Yeshua responds: "Do not be afraid. From now on, you will be catching men." And when they had brought their boats to land, they left everything and continued to follow him. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. That voice in your head that is telling you, "Man, just fake it for another day, and maybe they won't find out that you're not actually a human being just trying to fall forward in God's grace like everyone else.

Just fake it till you make it one more day." Tell that voice to shut up. Do not be afraid any longer. You follow me because from now on, you're not gonna be this guy in a boat catching these little fish forever. You're going to be what was spoken about in the prophets that will restore the kingdom of God. You're going to be a part of that alongside me, Yeshua says. Will you follow me? If Yeshua has called you today, you belong. You belong. And as we approach this coming Purim at the end of this week, take time to evaluate where God has placed you today. And I don't know where you're at. Only you do.

But the Bible is a story of God qualifying those for the positions that he wants to place them in. And maybe that's at work today. Maybe that's at your job. Maybe you find yourself lacking confidence in your current job title. Someone chose you to be in that position. Someone chose you. Remind yourself of that. Maybe it's at home, being a new parent or a struggling parent, trying to figure out what the best new thing is, what the best new way is, or you feel like you have no clue what to do or how to do it. Someone chose you to be in that position. Remind yourself of that.

For Those Who've Been Called

At Founded in Truth, we have majorly expanded the structure of the departments that we have here and the work because of our size increase and because of this lovely blessing called a building. And we have these new department heads, these committee leaders that have stepped up into these roles, owning these huge areas, lots of responsibility. It's amazing. And if you're a department head today, if you're a community head, I want to speak to you today, and I want to say that you may feel a little bit intimidated to be in the positions that you are now. And there is news. You should be. You have responsibilities.

You are managing people under you. You have a responsibility to serve people and disciple them and raise them up. But we are all here to serve each other. We're here to serve you, and we're here to help you make decisions for the areas of ministries within FIT. And I want to encourage you, if that's you today, to be a part of the ministry. Make the decision, just like Esther, to own where you're at. Own this department. Own this section of ministry. Own it where you've been placed. And make decisions, good or bad. Leaders make decisions and they move forward with them and they own the results. That's what leaders do.

And so if that's you today, then thank you for stepping up to that role. And know that if you find yourself doubting, feeling like an imposter, you're there for a reason. We believe it's divinely inspired, so own it. Even if you find yourself wondering what the next step is and you're not really sure where to go. The worship team, you guys can set up as we conclude.

When Fear Takes Over

Maybe you find yourself today just feeling completely lost and hopeless. Maybe you cannot think about the world around you without a sense of tightness in your chest or the rocking of your belly. Maybe you cannot think of the world around you without getting anxious, without getting confused, without getting worried. A, unfollow all of your friends on Facebook. You'll think I'm joking. It helps, I promise. B, remember the mission and the position that you were called to in the kingdom of God. Because how you view the world is how you view the cross. That's how you walk out into the world and that's what you live out.

And so I want to remind you that you were chosen, you are cherished, and just like Simon Peter, Yeshua is here with you. Look at the position God has put you in. Look at where in the world God has placed you. Look at where in time God has placed you and put on the royal robes and own it. And I don't know where you're at today, but if you're anything like me as we travel through this life, constantly finding reasons, maybe even being told reasons why you don't belong, why you were wrong, why you're not enough, why you're not a good leader, why you're not a good parent, why you're not a good employee, it gets tiresome.

But there is a truth that will never be shaken. And it is that you are where God has placed you. You are exactly where God wants you to be in this moment. And if you need prayer today, we will have a prayer team off to the sides. I invite you. I invite you to take advantage of that. Maybe it's not that easy to realize God has called you to the place in your life where you're at. Maybe it's not easy to give up past trauma, addictions, brokenness in your life, to move forward where God would fully want you to be. Maybe you just have some baggage that you need to leave here today. I don't know. But I want to invite you to stand, and I want to invite you to worship the King that not only called you, but is walking beside you on this journey.

In Prayer and Worship

Alvina Malkinu, our father, our king, father, we thank you for this time together. We thank you for the reminder of the wisdom in the book of Esther. Though she faced hard decisions and a hard life, though she faced trauma, you still used her to be the most powerful woman, the most powerful Judean in the Persian empire, to drive away darkness, to bring forth light, so that it could be a testimony today that reminds us of your faithfulness. We thank you, Father, for the spirit that you have given us today. And we ask, Father, that you would give us the wisdom to listen to that spirit, even if it is speaking to us right now, to strengthen us, to walk out the will of your kingdom in all ways.

In Yeshua's name we pray. Amen. You answered. And you came to my rescue. And I called and served. You came to my rescue and I called and served. You came to my rescue and I want to be where you are. Oh, we thank you for this beautiful Sabbath. Worship is more than just singing a song. Sometimes I think we need to hear from each other. So, Joe, I'd love for you to come up, if you don't mind, with what you were sharing with me earlier. I think the body needs to hear testimonies. So if you're good with that. When we were singing the song, I called and he rescued me. I thought about where I was before I came to the Lord.

I was an alcoholic hooked on drugs. I sold drugs. I carried a gun. And three o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning, working in a steel mill, I called and he rescued me. He delivered me from everything. Smoking, drinking. I went home, flushed all my dope down the commode. I just want to encourage you, you can trust Him. I don't care what you're going through. If you're anxious, if you're fearful, that's okay. But you can trust God. It don't matter what you're going through, He will get you through it.

The Testimony of Rescue

Call and serve. And you came to my rescue. I want to be where you are. Be where you are. You are. Hallelujah. And I call, sir. And you came to my rescue. And I want to be where you are. Be where you are. You are. Thank you for rescuing us. Thank you for rescuing us. Ripping us out of that pit. Thank you for rescuing us, Lord. Oh, it's so much to be thankful for. You're so worthy, worthy, worthy. All that belongs to you. All the glory belongs to you. You're worthy, you're worthy. You're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're worthy, you're so good.

Let's sing this. Let's sing this. Do the Shema here. Shema Israel Adorah Moshem Kehud Ahal Kuvah Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Blessed be the name of His glorious kingdom forever and ever. Amen.

Closing

I'm Matthew Vandrells, and I hope you enjoyed this message. Founded in Truth exists to build a community that bears the image of God and lives the redeemed life only Yeshua gives. If this message impacted you or if this ministry has been a blessing to you, we invite you to take part in making sure the message of Yeshua and the truth of God's word continues to reach others. To make sure this happens, you can donate through our online giving portal at foundinatruth.com slash give or by texting any amount to 704-275-0752. Don't forget to like and subscribe for new content every single week. And we thank you for your continued support. And we look forward to seeing you next time. Shalom.